Teaser Post....

So I came across an interesting post on Facebook today, that lead to me doing some digging today. Long story short, it was talking about an empath who was having problems dealing with their gift. Got me thinking and looking around, and all I can really say now is... more to follow. Going to do some more research, and digging. But does seem like a very interesting topic that I should really be looking into.

No more Mirena (Possible TMI post)

So, yesterday, I had my yearly exam, and the hubs and I decided that it is getting to be about time to get ready to maybe have another baby. So I got my Mirena removed and switched back to the pill to try and get things regulated. I am really hoping that getting it taken out will help me with some other areas that I am struggling with as well. I will keep updating as time goes on to let everyone know how it is going. Also feel free to share any experiences you have had, if you have been through a similar issue.

On another note, Christmas shopping is almost done. I have one more thing that I definitely want to get for little man, but other than that, I think we are all done. Oh and it looks like we will be leaving Germany next July!!!!! So excited!

Snow in Germany!

So finally, after we have been complaining about it being so cold for no reason, I wake up to a nice surprise this morning.

Ok, first off, for those of you who don't know, I am originally from Illinois, and LOVE SNOW! I firmly believe that we are supposed to have snow in the winter, especially in December. So, this morning, little man wakes me up, I head to the kitchen to make breakfast. For some reason, I was looking for something on the window ledge, and look out the window, and sure enough SNOW!!! YAH! I know, I'm such a big kid when it comes to this stuff. I'm Pagan, but I still love Christmas.
Every year, I cant wait to get the tree up, and decorated. Finally, got ours up by the way. I love going shopping, but hate spending the money of course. I love seeing all the lights and decorations. On thing I miss about being back home is going to see the Way of Lights. And for the past couple if years, I have been following Santa on his yearly journey. Like I said, I am just a big kid at heart!

Mercury Retrograde

OK, so I am the kinda witch that will read my Zodiac AFTER the fact, and realize, DAMN, maybe I should have stayed in bed. I am also one who usually doesn't give much notice to the Astrological Pain in the Ass.......

MERCURY RETROGRADE(*Spooky Music).

 Personally, I have never noticed much different during the time, and in fact, it usually passes by me without me even knowing it. Not this year!

I am hoping that since it is 900 pm here in Germany, that it is safe for me to talk about this. So pretty much all month, I have been having problems with my phone. First, for some reason, all my contacts that were saved to the SIM card are gone, but still there. I can search through the history, and they are there, but when I go to search the contacts, they are gone. I tried, to save the info from the history, but no luck, the phone thinks it is on the SIM. Also tried to add a new contact, didn't save, but saved. Then by great "Smart phone" decided what it would be fun to just randomly turn off while in my pocket. Yes the phone was locked, and there is no way for the pocket to turn it off, since it was the shoulder pocket of my ACU's. Then it would just turn off when I would put it on my desk. The past couple of days, when I would plug it in to charge, it couldn't make up its mind whether it was charging or not. So that has been the drama with the phone. So over the weekend I was trying to check one of my email accounts and was told that my user name had been locked. That's weird, cause I was just on it 5 minutes before when my computer decided to crap out on me for a min. All that being said, I think I have learned my lesson.
 So what have I learned over the past 3 weeks? Know when to take a step back. Things have been so crazy at work, that sometimes, I just need to remember that I am only one person, and I have other commitments that I have to take care of as well. Maybe sometimes, I need to focus more on my family than my work.
Oh yeah, and keep an eye out for that evil Mercury Retrograde and what lessons may come along with it, cause they will come whether you are ready for them or not.
So how has this Mercury Retrograde treated you, and have you done anything in the past or present to prepare for it? Let me know, I would love to hear the stories.

School Jobs

So as part of Alex's Sure Start Class, everyone gets to take turns to have jobs in the classroom. The week before Thanksgiving and the week of he was "The Inspector" which meant he got to take two friends around the classroom and make sure everything was picked up and mot messy before it was time to go outside. Well I just happened to ask him today what his new job is and he said he was the "Flag Helper." He told me that he gets to hold the flag. I kinda had an idea where this was leading, but we have been trying to get him to tell us about school and what he learned, not that he just had fun. So I ask him, what happens when he holds the flag, and he proceeds to demonstrate holding the flag. So I then say, well what do your friends do while you are holding the flag? "Say the Pledge of Allegiance" Of course it took some coxing, (and maybe some bribery) but I managed to get him to say it on camera. Be advised, he is 5 and a little silly most of the time, I don't know what he was doing while he was saying it. I do know that his hand is up because he wanted me to "pick him" when he was done.

Thanksgiving

So it is 708pm here in Germany. The meal has been eaten, the leftovers put away, dished almost all washed, and some pie eaten. All with some friends from Wiesbaden who came over with their 3 year old daughter. Overall it has been a pretty good day. There was a little bit of fighting with Alex and Kiba at first, but after that it has been pretty smooth sailing. So sitting here has got me thinking.. what exactly am I thankful for?
Well of course there is my husband and son first. Without them, I don't know what I would do. Next I would have to say my job. While it is VERY stress full, especially now that things are starting to close down. I really do love what I do. Not just the day to day aspect of it, but being in the military in general. I am also thankful for the friends and family that are there no matter what. While there may be discrepancies from time to time, I would do anything for them.
Since I am feeling the effects of cooking all day, and the turkey, I'm going to end this by asking "What are you thankful for?"

Finally

After waiting what seems like forever, it has finally happened. I made cut-off for E-6! While I only went to the board last December, I have been waiting for this for quite some time. I am now at a point where I will be able to do my full 20 years. So when I report into ALC (hopefully) on Monday, I will be SSG Ray. It already looks weird. Of course along with more responsibility comes more pay. Which at this point is a HUGE advantage for us. I just officially found out a couple of hours ago, and I am still a little bit in shock that it has finally happened. I do feel a little bad because my Soldier did not make cut-off for E-5, but I have no doubt that she will make it before she leaves here in December. In honor of this accomplishment, I leave you lovely readers with the 6 of Army from my still in progress Military Tarot.

If you would like to see more of the cards I created, please check out my Picassa Album. They are broken into different albums by Majors, Minors, and Court Cards. Feel free to take a look around while you are there.

PS. Later in the week, I will tie this in with how this promotion plays into my practice.

Exhausting Week

Yeah, I know it is only Wednesday, but already, I am ready for it to be over. 

 

So Alex finally started Sure Start on Monday. YAY! As you can see, he is so excited! It was all he has been talking about for like the past two weeks. The only bad thing we have heard from his teacher, is that he is doing the hoarding food thing at lunch time. For some reason, we have yet to figure out where he got it from, he crams his food into his mouth, and trys to hold it in his cheeks. It is funny because he looks like a chipmunk, but we have to try not to laugh to try to get him to stop doing it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. His teachers do know about him not pooping in the potty, but luckily he has not done it in his pants at school, he waits until Momma gets home for that. Oh yeah, and he still wont go to sleep until after ten o'clock so we are still fighting that battle, and of course the follow up battle to get up in the morning.

Since he is going to school everyday, I am definitely feeling more stressed. I have to get up, do PT, come home, take the dog out, take a shower, get myself ready for work, and get Alex up and ready for school and have him there by 8:15. Then to top it all off, have to work a full day, deal with everything that is going along with Transformation, and then come home, and try to get some housework/ dinner done.

I am still waiting to find out about the funding for my ALC (Advanced Leaders Course) that I am going to on October 1st. I am glad to be going, but not thrilled about the timing. This will actually be the first time that I will not be here for Alex's birthday. Plus, with me being gone, this means that the Hubs will have to do everything. I am just hoping that everything will go relatively smooth while I am gone. I will be under enough stress as it is, and will not be nearby if something should happen.

The nice thing is that you can tell that Fall is coming here in Germany. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it has already arrived. It is chilly in the morning and evening, and usually windy during the day. The leaves on the trees have already started to change, and fall. In fact, when I was at work the other day, you could smell someone burning leaves. I never really liked the smell personally, but for some reason, it was nice for once. 

Week in Review

So as another attempt to keep myself writing regularly, I have decided to start a week in review post. Pretty much it will include a wrap up of what happened within the past week.
So, this week has been pretty relaxed. It was the first week of my two weeks of leave. YAY! The first I have taken since I have been in Germany. A very much needed break from work. I didn't go anywhere, but am just enjoying the time to be at home and relax. Actually, I think this is the first time since I have been in the Army that I have been able to truly relax while on leave. Usually, we would go home, and have to worry about splitting time between family and friends. This time, I just get to sit and focus on being at home and RELAXING! Of course, I do have plans for getting housework done, and have accomplished quite a bit, but am still loving not having to go to work. I have had time to finally work on my travel Book of Shadows, and really like the way it is turning out.
Thursday, we finally got the phone call that Alex has a tentative slot in Sure Start for the next school year YAY! What does this mean. He will be going to Pre-K 5 days a week all day. There are still some questions I have about the program, but I will get to ask them this coming Thursday when I go to orientation. The biggest thing I am hoping to get from this, that Alex will get ready for Kindergarten and of course help him with the Potty problems that we are still dealing with.
I have managed to catch up on ALC course work that I was falling a little bit behind on due to just being too tired. Hopefully, I will be able to pull ahead on it in the next week. On that note, I also have taken some time to spend at the gym for some much needed work out time. Granted it was not as much as I would have liked, but since I have become well rested this week, I am hoping that will change next week. I know that I have not been working out as much as I should, and that I have not been keeping as close an eye on my weight as I need to, and since it is getting close to time for me to actually go to ALC, I need to get ready.
Oh, and the biggest disappointment this week was finding out that I missed cut-off by TWO points! TWO POINTS.... enough to make me mad. Then again, I know that means, I am closer to the top of the list, and that once I get done with ALC, I will have over 600 points, and should be good by then.
I know this has kind of jumped around a little bit, but that is how I think, so that is how it came out. I will try to do better as time goes on.
To close this, please enjoy this picture of one of the pages that I worked on this week. Since this is meant to be a Travel Book of Shadows, I thought it would be fitting to have a protection spell in it. If anyone would like to see more of what I have done, please let me know, I dont mind. I am even willing to share my BIG Book of Shadows. All you have to do is ask.

PBP - Q for Questions

I know that the topic of Questions has been covered many times last week for PBP, but this is my take on the issue.
There comes a point in all of our spiritual paths, that we will have to answer various questions about our beliefs. Either it will be questions within ourselves, or questions from others if we are out of the broom closet. No matter where or who these questions are coming from, you need to make sure that you are ready for them. It seems like the questions, at least for me, come at the worst possible time. Usually when I have other things on my mind than answering any questions. So what are some questions that I have been asked?

In no particular order
Q. "So you can tell me my future?" (Or some variation when people find out I read tarot)
A. "Yes and No. I can "see" how things will be if you continue on the current path you are on. I also add that they will only hear what they are meant to hear, and ready to hear. This has been an issue at a few readings that I have done. I was getting a message, but being told that the person was not ready to hear everything that went along with it. (Call me crazy, but my cards actually "talk" to me). I let them know that if they make a change, no matter how minor, the outcome may change. Many people just want to know how to get out of a situation, or that things will get better. Sometimes hearing that things will get better, is enough for them to make the changes they are "supposed" to.

Q. "So you do spells and stuff?"
A. "Yes." This seems to be the one thing that most people are interested in. Unless they ask for more in-depth information, I tend to leave the answer at that.

Q. "Can you do one for me?"
A. For me this is a tricky area. This goes back to people wanting a simple solution to their problems. They think, that a spell will instantly solve all their problems. this is when I will usually explain to them how a spell actually works. The explanation that I have found easiest is using either the "Birthday Cake" or "Parking Spot" metaphor. When you make a wish on a birthday cake when you are younger, you hope, pray and wish real hard for what it is you want. Once you have the idea firmly in your mind, you blow out the candle. This, of course, is similar to how a spell works. You put all your focus and energy into what you are wanting to manifest. You take the time to gather what you need to help your energies be the strongest. You may say some words that help you focus, and release the energy that you have built up into the universe. Does it always work, no. But then again, do you always get what you wished for on your birthday? No. So what happens, maybe you try again later. Maybe you make some changes that help the manifestation become reality. Maybe you get some birthday money late, and you go and buy that gift that you really wanted. The other way to look at it is when you are driving through a crowded parking lot. All you can think about is how you really need a spot to park. That is all you can think about. All of your energy is going into finding just one parking spot. And what you do you know, you happen upon a car that is just about to leave, and you get the spot that you wanted. Again same thing. All of your energy goes into what you want, until finally you get it, or change something to help it happen.

Q. "Oh my god, you are going to hell! I have to save you. You need to come to church with me...etc"
A. While I have been lucky enough to never have encountered this, I have gotten some not so nice looks from people. How do you handle it? Well there is the book answer "I don't believe in hell, or that I need to be saved..." Me personally, I have a rather twisted sense of humor at times, and would say "Well in that case, first rounds on me!" Of course, I will caution against this to perfect strangers.

Q. "Since you are a Pagan, shouldn't you be a Pacifist? How can you be in the Army?"
A. I have encountered this a few times. No where is there a set a rules that says I cant be in the military. In fact, there are various paths that are not so peaceful. Not everything about being a Pagan is peaceful and serene. This is another one that could be turned around. Well as a Christian/ Muslim/ Random Faith, aren't you supposed to love everyone? Why did you choose a career where the main purpose is to go to war?

Q."What exactly do you call yourself/ believe?"
A. This is a little tricky for me lately. As I have stated before, I identify as "Wiccan" I would consider myself more of an Eclectic Pagan recently. When I first found this path, it was all "I'm Wiccan, and that's it." Now I find myself looking at other paths, and pulling a little from here and there. At one point I had a friend try to convince me that I should follow a strictly Egyptian Path. Personally, I think that is the nice thing about being Pagan. We are free to chose what we want to believe and how we want to practice that belief. I do spell work occasionally, I read tarot, leaning runes, don't identify with any deities other than the Goddess and the God (none by name), and have the freedom to practice how I want. I believe in the duality of the universe, that we are responsible for our actions, and have to answer for the bad actions we take.

So that is just a short list of some of the questions that come up with our beliefs. What about you? What other questions have you encountered, and how did you handle them? How would you have answered the questions above?

Remember, the more questions we answer, the better we will be understood.

Pagan Blog Project - Quiet

Have you ever taken the time to think of how much noise we encounter in a typical day. As part of my job, I teach a week long class that has one hour dedicated to the effects of noise. In that class noise is defined as any unwanted sound. For example, while you may have a favorite band, and a favorite song, not many people would appreciate hearing it blasted at top volume at 2:30 in the morning. Or those of us who have children, while I love to hear Alex talk, as he almost always manages to crack me up, there are just some times, that I wish he would stop. These would be considered noise. We like our music, and listening to our children, but not all the time.
In this class about noise, I teach about the potential damage that can be done, as well as the impact on a Soldier if the experience too much noise. Last time I taught this class it got me thinking, if we can be physically damaged by noise, why not spiritually. Our ears need time to recoup from being bombarded by sounds and noises all day, that's why music in your car may seem louder first thing in the morning than when you go home at night, so why wouldn't our minds (spirits, souls, etc). I have noticed lately that the more things I have going on in my life, the more sounds there seems to be around me on a constant basis, and the more out of sorts I tend to feel. Whether its traffic outside my window, the train station across the street, listing to people talk, doing housework, or just sitting down writing this, I am surrounded by sounds.
So, again id our bodies (ears) need a chance to recover, why not minds (again spirits, souls, etc.) Have you ever had those few times, where it seems like there is nothing going on. No movement and best of all NO NOISES! How did it make you feel, Think about it real hard. Some people are actually nervous about quiet times. Me, I think I have been downrange and in the Army too long, to be nervous about quiet. I love when I get the chance to just sit somewhere, and hear nothing. I'm not talking about having earplugs in, but just one of those rare instances, where it is actually quiet. What do I do? ENJOY IT! Take a moment to just relax. Funny enough, this happens almost every time, I am in my sacred space. While I might be vaguely aware of certain things going on in the "mundane" (yes I went there and said it) world, once I am in my sacred space, it is so peaceful and QUIET that I almost hate to leave it. I enjoy it so much that I am making it a goal of mine to have a regular "date" with my sacred space. Whether it just sitting down to ground myself (which I need very much lately), or just doing some magical house cleaning. I am slowly beginning to see how important this quiet time is to me. Plus, between you and me, it is the only chance I have to be by myself.

So try to be like Linus. Find somewhere comfortable, and just enjoy the moment of peace and quiet.

Picture of my Quiet Space as it was set up for Samhain 2011

First day of "Pre School"

So Alex had his first day of Pre School today, and it seems to have been a hit. He got to sing songs, play games, and even brought an art project home. Oh and by the way, he went to sleep on time! One "issue" though. I went to orientation today, and had to fill out some paper work, and one of the questions had to do with what holidays do we celebrate? Of course there were the mainstream ones, but nothing even remotely Pagan. Personally, I had no issue just checking Christmas, Halloween, and Easter, because we do still "celebrate" but of course not for the reasons most people do. I was just wondering if anyone else has had this or a similar issue ever come up with a school or something similar.
Since he was so proud (and so was I honestly), here is a picture of the Hat that he made in school. Of course it is 4th of July themed, and had to resized when we got it home.

PS He has a show and tell also when he goes back on Friday. Any ideas on what a 4 year old could take for Show and Tell?

PBP - M Maiden...

Many traditions around the world have some form a "Holy Trinity." Pagans/ Wiccans are mo different. Many see the Goddess in three different aspects, The Maiden, The Mother and the Crone. This week I will be discussing the Maiden aspect of the Goddess.

When people here the term Maiden they immediately get the idea of a young, virginal, innocent woman. She may be naive and unaware of many of the things that go on in the world. Many of these aspects translate over the the Maiden aspect of the Goddess. Along with this she is seen in the Waxing Moon growing larger across the night sky. Many traditions see this in the young girl who has not hit puberty, or even the young woman who has not had children yet. The Maiden Goddess can be invoked for anything involving new beginnings, and change. 


Some of the traditional Maiden Goddesses are Athena, Persephone, and Brigid. 
When working with the energy of the Maiden aspect, chose fresh flowers, grains, and the color white.

Busy, busy, frustration, busy

So finally bit the bullet and got Alex enrolled in Pre-school, he starts on Monday. While we still have not conquered the Potty Training Mountain yet, I am hoping this will help. He will only be in school for 3 hours in the morning, 3 days a week, but hopefully it will be enough to help him expend some energy, make some friends, and be around kids more. Not to mention it will get him and Steve out of the house. Then, while I was at Central Registration, I got him enrolled in Strong Beginnings that will start with the new school year. It is basically a Pre-K program that will get him ready for Kindergarten next year.

Right now I am just feeling really frustrated. Between being exhausted from having to be into work early, not getting to bed till late because Alex wont go to sleep until late, and being the only one who does anything in the house, and being the only one who takes the dog out, I am just exhausted and frustrated. What I would really like to do, is just take some time to myself, light my altar, and sit there. The problem is, I have to wait till Alex gets to sleep, or else it will be a waste of time, and then have to get the dog out. There is just not enough hours in the day. I am hoping that since I will be taking Alex to school in the mornings, that Steve will at least take Kovu out in the morning, so I will still have time to get myself, and Alex ready.

Plus on top of that, I am still "dealing" with the family issues back home. There has still been no resolution, and I am not sure when there will be, and when there is, how will it impact me in the future. Plus, with the transformation at work, no one seems to understand that we still have to do our mission, even though we will be falling under a new higher HQ's. Everyone is focused on the fact that they should be doing our mission, and not us. Technically, that would be true, but we still have people here, and as long as we are, we are going to do the mission as best as we can.

Pagan Blog Project - K for Kitchen Witch

When it comes to magic and witchcraft, there are more forms and types than one person could even begin to list. One in particular seems to be fitting to many of us with family, whether we realize it or not. That would be Kitchen Magic. This is especially true for me. While I may not always want to cook, I do enjoy it. I actually took some time to try to think about why. The way I see it, everyone needs food to survive. When I am in the kitchen cooking something for my family, even if its pre-made), I am provinding the nurishment that they need. While I may not be fully aware of it, I am putting my energy into what ever it is that I am making. In turn my family eats it, and gets a little bit of that energy. After thinking about that, and coming to that realization, I have decieded that I am going to be more careful about how I cook. By this I mean, making sure I have my emotions and energy in control when I am preparing the food. There is no sense in passing on what I am feeling to my family

Need to vent!

OK, so I know I have not posted in a LOOONNGG time, but things come up! I just need to get this out real quick.
So I was browsing Facebook, and one of the feeds that I get posted a link to a profile of an "Army Officer." Needless to say, it is clear that not only is this person NOT in the military, but has no respect for anyone of us that do serve. To put it simply, he needs to be prosecuted under the Stolen Valor Act. Normally, this is something that I would just pass by, but for some reason, I looked at the profile, and WOW! Thats all I can say about it. Not only did he supposedly get 6 Silver Stars, but he was only in for 6 years. Sometimes I just wish we would bring back firing squads, and put people like this infront of them. Before you ask, NO, I will not post the link. I dont think this person deserves anymore attention then they have already received.  Thats why I normally dont post to these peoples pages. But I think this one deserved it.

In other news, things are still rolling along, and Im still dealing with issues that are going on back home. I was hoping they would be over, but looks like it will be another week. My staff at work is getting smaller seems like by the day, and as of right now, I will not be attending the school that I was planning on next October, but I am still waiting on more information on that so we will see. I REALLY hope that I will be able to get back to my Pagan Blog posts this week.

Until then
Blessed Be

First Coupon Trips

So I have been seeing all this hype about people shopping with coupons. So I did my research, printed some out, and headed to the Commissary. Ill admit, that I felt a little silly standing in the aisle looking to figure out what coupons I had, but luckily, I managed to remember most of what I had. I was actually kinda on a roll, and found some in the store to use as well. While I had not planned on a big trip, I did manage to get $73 worth of groceries for $59, saving me 20% which I think is the first time I have had that happen. YAY me. So today, I went to the PX needing to get a new water filter and a bone for Kovu. While the bone was out of stock, I again managed to get $71 worth of items for $59 saving me another 19% I know this is a first. My biggest accomplishment today was the 2 bottles of Pantene that averaged out to $.85 a bottle! This just might be worth it afterall. Since then, I signed up for a few services that will send expired coupons to troops overseas since we can use them up to 6 months after the expiration date. If you coupon, and have expired ones, please check out Coups for Troops and Coupons to Troops who both send coupons directly to Soldiers who share what we do not use with others. Im excited to see what this new adventure holds, especially when I get back to the states.

In other news, I know that I have been slacking in my Pagan Blog Project Posts, but things have been really crazy, and I will be getting back to them this week. I have recently submitted paperwork that will allow me to leave Germany 8 months early. While it has been fun, there is no point in finishing my 3 years, since where I am at will be closing down before then. I am hoping it will work out like I am planning, which will get me home some time next summer, with an assignment at Ft Leonardwood, and then going to school in Ft Sam Houston for four months. Pretty much just waiting on the next higher level to bless off on it and it will be good to go.

Well, just finished my last final for the semester, and just have to wait for grades to post. Sadly, I'm just hoping for Cs across the board. In all actuality, I would like them to be higher, but the semester didn't go as good as I would have liked it. Too much stress and other things going on. This means that I will probably have to file a Financial Aid Appeal again for Fall Semester, but at least I will have a higher GPA than last semester. Just looking forward to knowing that finally my work is paying off, and I might actually have some credits to show for it this time around.
Since I have been so stressed and busy, I have decided to take Summer semester off, and will start again in the Fall. This also gives me time to just relax, and get things done that I need to do, like my ALC Phase 1 that starts in July. Maybe I will even be able to enjoy my down time instead of spending it worried that I will not be worried that I am forgetting to do an assignment.
One more weight off my back for now.

Blessed Beltane

Beltane is a time when the Goddess and God have consummated their relationship, and the signs of the fertility that returned at Ostara can really be seen. This is definitely the case here in Germany. The past couple of weeks, it has been chilly, rainy and windy. Well lo and behold, over the weekend, it gets warmer, and everything is so GREEN! The flowers on the bushes where I work are even starting to get flowers on them.
So what have I done to celebrate this? Well I just got my altar lit up, will post pictures to my Picassa Album later (so check it out in the next couple of days). I also used the time to enjoy the warm weather by spending some time outside after work. Even Alex was in on the fun for most of the day. It is so nice that things are starting to get nice enough to spend some time outside.
While my energy is not back up to where I would like it to be, I am beginning to feel better now that the weather is getting nicer. Of course that could be from finally being almost done with school for the semester (one more final to take tomorrow). So no matter where you are in the world, please take the time to enjoy what they are giving us at this great time of year. I LOVE WARM WEATHER!

Gonna keep it short tonight, still gonna go and sit at my altar, and do a "Blessing" on mine and hubbies wedding rings in honor of the Goddess and God
HAPPY BELTANE EVERYONE!
Alles Gute zum Beltane

PBP - I for IPCOD

Many Pagans are in the "broom closet" about their beliefs, but why? Some are scared of what people in their lives will think. Some are just waiting for the right moment. Well, if you are one of these people who are waiting for the right time, how about May 2? Why May 2, because it just happens to be International Pagan Coming Out Day! If you are choosing to come out as a Pagan why not on a day, that there will be many others coming out as well?
I personally don't feel that I have ever really been in the closet. I just chose to not talk about religion too much due to it being a touchy subject for many people. Of course, I never really hid my beliefs from anyone. I wear my pentacle ring and necklace (under my uniform of course), have Wiccan on my dog tags, and kept my altar in my dining room when I had the space. I have had discussions about my beliefs, started writing this blog, and post "interesting" information on my facebook page from time to time. I have never experienced any discrimination, and have had nothing but acceptance from my family, the ones that know anyways. It should be noted that the ones who do not know, I either do not talk too, or just don't care about my beliefs. For me it is nice knowing that I don't have to hide my beliefs from anyone.

Since it is getting late here in Germany, and my Energy is not where I would like it to be anyways, I will leave everyone with a link to the IPCOD website, and invite you to browse around. I will continue at another time, my thoughts on being out of the broom closet.

http://pagancomingoutday.org/

Out of Sorts

I think I need to spend some me time. I have just been so out of it lately, and emotional. The problem is that I feel guilty whenever I even think about taking time for myself. I know that Steve spends all day at home with Alex and the dog, and really does not get time to himself at all. He still had not said anything about the fact that I wrote my duty on Saturday. I don't think that explaining to him that I was planning on taking Alex with me for a while will even make a difference in how he will react. Sometimes, I really think I would be better off if I just got out of the military. Just so much going on lately, with whats going on at home, everything at work, and then dealing with trying to potty train Alex STILL, I'm just so exhausted.

PBP - H for Home Blessing

As I stated in my post from last week, we spend allot of time in our home, and for many Pagans it is also our place of worship. The problem with this is that so many people come and go in this space, that they tend to leave residual energy behind. This can really be an issue if you are renting the place you live in, or even live with someone else. All this left over energy can really weight you down. That's why I think that its important to periodically do a cleansing or blessing on your living space. The one that I am including is from my personal book of shadows. If you like it, please feel free to use it, change it, or completely ignore it if you choose.
What you will need:
Incense of choice, or smudge bundle (I use Sage in either)
Besom
Blessed Water

Even though this is a spiritual/ energy cleansing, it is always good to start with a clean space. Get the good old vacuum and dust rag out, and get the physical clutter out.
I always begin at my altar. If you would like you can cast your circle, but I find that this just adds an unneeded step.
Build up your energy. This should be energy that you will use to push out the negative unwanted.
Visualize a bubble building around you from the ground up. Picture it surrounding you from your feet to your head.
- If you are in an apartment, as I am, picture a barrier between your floor, and the ceiling below you. You only want your energy in this bubble, not the whole building.
Build the bubble until it touches you ceiling. If you have multiple stories, start with one at a time.
Picture your bubble anchored in one spot as you begin to walk your living space. Expand the bubble with you as you walk.
- When you finish the first floor move to the next
As your bubble expands, picture it pushing all the negative energy out.
If you live in an apartment, reinforce anywhere there is a shared space, (walls, floors, ceilings)
If you like, and if it makes it easier, feel free to walk with your besom to sweep the energy out.
Pick a chant or words that you like. I use "Out, about, I turn you out, All that dawdles here, I turn you out."
Once complete, be sure to ground the excess energy that you have raised. After all, you have just gotten rid of the stagnant energy, and don't want to start accumulating some more.
If you would like, you can take blessed water, and sprinkle it in the corners of your space.

I hope you like, and maybe even got some ideas.
Blessed Be!

Family... So many question.

Family is one of the things in our lives that we have no control over. There are times when we may be proud to say who we are related to, and there may be times when we just wish we belonged to a different family altogether. Is there ever a good time to say "enough is enough." When you just cant stand the draining anymore. Is there ever a right time to just severe any kind of contact with family? Is it too harsh, does that point not exist? Has it been crossed along time ago, or can it be seen in the near future? Is there more we can do, have we done our best, or could we have done more in the past? Has there been a serious of misunderstanding, or are you the one who misjudged? Would things have been better if you had stayed closer to home or was leaving the best thing you could have done? If you had stayed how different would things have been? Would things have turned out better, or worst and for who? So many questions that you hope you never have to be faced with, hoping you will soon wake up and it will all have been a bad dream. Hoping for a good change of events....

PBP - H for Home

Home is the place where you live, whether its an apartment, house, motel, dorm, barracks, or a spare room in someone Else's home. So what does this have to do with being Pagan? Well since many of us practice in our homes alone, it also becomes our place of worship. Ideally, there should be somewhere where you can be alone with your chosen entity. Of course this is not always possible, We have family, friends, roommates, and neighbors, that can prevent this. What is important is that when you go to worship, you are able to relax. With so many people in our homes everyday, allot of energy can be kicked up and left around both good and bad. This can effect how you are able to worship. If there is a lot of negative energy hanging around, it can make it difficult. Personally, what I do, is before I begin, I take a few minutes to ground and center myself and get rid of the energy in the immediate area of where I will be working. Of course, there are times when this may not be enough. As I have my own energy issues right now, I will be addressing this next week. This was just an intro on the topic.

Newest member of the Family

Since I was finally able to get a decent picture of him, I present to all my readers Kovu! He will be 10 months old this month. Yes he is a pure blood Siberian Husky, but we do not have the papers on him. He is hyper as would be expected from his breed, but likes to spend most of the day asleep, at least until I come home for some reason. Thankfully, the family we got him from had a 2 year old, so he is great with kids. He even knows to be a little bit gentler when he is playing with Alex. OK, I guess that's really all for this post. Just wanted to announce and introduce the newest member of the family.

Another one of those days

I don't know what it was, but this has just been an exhausting day. Well, not entire day, mainly just afternoon. The morning went well. Alex found the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid in the house, and then went to find some at the Pavilion. Made and had dinner, and that's when it started. I really don't know what the problem was, but I was just getting so agitated. Kovu, was wanting to go out like every 30 minutes, Alex of course was not wanting to eat. Finally decided to take Kovu to the dog park, and took Alex with me. Of course no sooner than I get Kovu off the leash, than I hear Alex say he has to go pee pee. So there I go trying to catch Kovu, and Alex goes heading for his bike. Oh gosh.... here we go. Finally get the together, and Alex now says he doesn't have to go, and doesn't want to go home. Get home, and we are heading up the stairs, one set to go, and Kovu hears another dog coming up, the one from upstairs. Sure enough up he comes, Kovu sniffs him, and he gets snapped at. What a way yo end my day.

PBP - Goddess and God

"So what is the Goddess and the God?" Who among us Pagans, has never been asked this question. I recently was asked this question when some asked me about my beliefs. While we all may have our own definition of what these words mean to us, how do we explain them to others? How do you describe the feeling of knowing that no matter where you go they are with you? They are that nudge you need when you are struggling, that push to finish what you started. Duality. Male and Female. Light and Dark. Yin and Yang. Everything and nothing. Are they corporal beings in anyway? For me, no. I dont expect to cross over and be greeted by them, but I know that they will be there. Do I follow any particular goddess and god, no. For me it is more of a concept of everything that cannot be narrowed down to one.
So how did I answer the question? "What is your god to you?" Seemed only fair to me. So next time you are asked the question, maybe turn it around and see if the person is able to answer the question as well. You might be surprised by the answer, or even the lack of an answer.

Stupid School

So I have been working on homework for the past couple of hours. I saved my lab for last due to having to do it in the bathroom. It is 1130 at night, and I have been sitting here for about 45 minutes waiting for it to upload! GRRRR!! All I want to do is go to sleep, but this stupid thing wont upload!
Oh well, that's what happens when I wait till the last minute as usual. On a better note, SHORT WEEK at work this week! YAY! Still got some shopping to do for Easter (Yes we celebrate with the egg hunt and dinner). Gonna be a busy weekend, got a birthday party to go to, cupcakes to make on Saturday, and eggs to decorate, stuff and fill. Should be fun this time around, since Alex is a little bit older, and should have more fun looking for eggs. Not quite Monday, and I'm already looking forward to the weekend.

PBP - G for Growth

The whole reason I started this blog was to grow in my spirituality. Which it has, but how far? I feel that as Pagans we are always growing and learning. I don't think anyone ever gets to the point where they know all there is to know about about their chosen path. When we start out we have these fantastical ideas of what we want to get, what we want to do, and how we are going to do, and even what we NEED to call our selves. As we progress through our practice ideas change, we change our thoughts as we find ones that are better suited to our beliefs. For instance, when I first started down my path, I was Wiccan, however, as I have progressed I still consider myself Wiccan, but am closer to being a Pagan, in the broader sense of the word. But why call my self Wiccan? Before everyone gets upset, because it feels right to me*. No where is it written that we have to pick one set word to describe who we are (not going into race, gender, etc... I have a Multicultural Education Class for that). We should not feel tied to whatever label we chose to place on ourselves, or that others may place on us. Personally, my thoughts have changed. I have read different books, and said, I like that, but what about this... I like this wording, but want to add this to it.
As Pagans, we should feel blessed that we have the ability to chose what we want to practice. After all, the created us to be able to make these choices, so why not use them. Keep growing in your practice. find what works for you, and change it. Keep growing, and be sure to pass on what you learned to someone. Who knows, the growth that you have made may help someone else with theirs.

*Plus changing paperwork for the military every time I change my mind, practices and ideals takes allot of work

What a Week... Finally Sunday

So since my last post, things kind of perked up a little bit. That is until Saturday, and I realized I "lost" not only my ID card, but my debit card as well. At least thats what I thought, until I finally found it earlier this afternoon sitting on my dryer. So that was lucky I guess. So we deceided to go out and get Alex a new car since Steve needed gas in the truck anyways. We get back just to find that Kovu has moved his kennel around the living room, and knocked just about everything over. We knew when we got him that he did not like to be home alone, but that was ridiculousness. So now its Sunday, and I never did my Pagan Blog Project for the week, and am still doing homework. Hopefully this coming week will be better then the last one.

What a week... Mid-week edition

So today is only Wednesday, and it has already been one of those weeks. Starting Monday and continuing into today, I just wanted to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. So on top of teaching FST, I found out that the slides that I thought were done for LRMC, we not and needed to be done by today. So I am out and not able to do them because I am teaching, I have both Soldiers who need to go out on mission, but cant because of things they have going on. I have one NCO is is leaving for TDY on Tuesday, another who is supposed to be going on Tuesday, and another who will have to do the slides... and that's just Monday. Needless to say it has been so stressful that I did not even celebrate Ostara yesterday like I had planned to. It just didn't seem fair, plus I was to mentally exhausted to do it, so I will be doing that Friday instead. So looking forward to the weekend so I can get some rest. Seems to be the norm for me more and more lately. Looking forward to something so that I can use it to get some rest.
On a better note, we got a new member of the family yesterday. His name is Kovu and he is an 8 month old Siberian Husky. So that has been the one silver lining on this otherwise shitty day.
OK, got my venting out, and feel better now. Going to lie down and relax for a little bit while I wait for Alex to go to sleep.

PBP - F for Fire

As a water sign, sometimes writing about other elements is a little difficult. Fire however, is the exception. For me, fire is the opposite of Water. Not directionally, with Fire being South, and Water being West, but emotionally. For me Fire is the emotional opposite of water. Water is is the "gentle" emotions, and fire is "angry" emotions. When you actually see fire, it changes more and appears angrier than water.

As far as correspondences, I associate fire with the direction south and the athame. Mainly when I think of fire, I don't concern myself with the correspondences as much as how it makes me feel. The same goes with all the elements. Fire is the opposite of water. It can be put out with water and calmed down. If it gets too big, it takes on a mind of its own and can become uncontrollable. Regardless of what sign we are, we all have at least a hint of fire in ourselves. Our emotions take control of us when we get angry and upset. We get hot under the collar at the little things. All of these just show how we all connect with fire at some point in our lives. What is important is that we know how to control it. Fire can work for us. It can be just the right amount of anger to encourage us to do what we need to. It can also be our downfall. It can be the feeling he hold onto from the hurtful words, or the sense of defeat when we fail at something. Go or bad, intentional or not, Fire is all around us and in us.

Personnel Energy and other people

Has anyone ever noticed that there always seems to be certain people you encounter who just drain you physically and emotionally. Why do we allow this to happen. You would think that we would either eliminate these people from our lives, or protect ourselves from this if we have to be around them. How much do we have to get drained from us before we learn. There are some things we do because we have too, but there is no reason to put ourselves through this. They just make us feel so exhausted, and possibly do things that we would not normally do. So this is basically a note for myself, If I know that I am going to be around someone who I know is going to make me exhausted, I will make sure that I protect myself before being exposed to them.

Too many Chiefs...

So a little background. I have been in Stuttgart this past week going over our mission there, with the Environmental Health Department at LRMC* to prepare them for when they take it over. So I get back today, and see my OIC* who went with us. He tells me good job, and that he appreciates the hard work we put in. He also tells me that my NCOIC* (there are 2 different ones both with the same name) has said that he has nothing for me today, and I am good to go for the day. So, I go check my email, and head out. At about 330, I get a phone call telling that there was a formation, and who was going to be there. I said that I would not because I was at home. "Well I guess Ill take that up with CPT X, but you need to clear that through me." Then about 5 minutes before formation, the other NCOIC calls me asking me the same question, "Now I'm not mad, but who said you could go home? Ill let SFC D* know." "Well he already called me." So long story short, I think I really need to sit down and figure out where I fall in this crazy triangle of supervision. If my OIC tells me that my NCOIC said I was good for the day, ummm.... that means I'm good for the day. I have come to terms with the fact that I have no power, and am using it to my full advantage, but I need to know who I answer to, who messages are allowed to come from, and who is allowed to relay those messages to me. Because obviously something got lost in translation somewhere. The funny thing is that the message originally came from SFC D. So after a surprisingly good TDY* my week went to hell. Guess we will see what happens on Monday.


Notes:
LRMC - Landstuhl Regional Medical Center
OIC - Officer in Charge, Boss of my section
NCOIC - Non-commissioned Officer in Charge, Senior enlisted in my Department. I have a Department NCOIC, and another who is another section, but still is in charge of us. I know, I know, I get a headache thinking about it myself.
TDY - Temporary Duty, going somewhere other than actual duty assignment
Ranks are the same, but names have been changed.

PBP - E for Eclectic

I cant even begin to count the number of times that I get asked the question, "so what do you believe?" For me this can tend to get a little complicated, but makes perfect sense to me. Many Pagans and Wiccans feel that in order to be a "real" pagan or wiccan, you need to follow one set of beliefs. Well for me this is not the case. I am an Eclectic. Do I see myself as Pagan? YES Do I see myself as Wiccan? YES. So what do eclectics believe? Well that depends on who you ask. Many eclectics draw from different beliefs to create what is right for them. As for me, when I get this question, the first thing I explain is my thoughts on divinity. As of right now, I do not follow any certain pantheon or deities by name. For me it is more of the feeling that the goddess and god are here, there and everywhere. Will I always feel like this? I cant say, but right now it feels right to me. Do I have to go through a long elaborate ritual set up every time I want to do any kind of work? No. If I choose to, I do, but otherwise, I keep it relatively informal. I invite the elements and goddess and god to join me for my work, and get down to business. Do I set up a circle? Yes, but I visualize as opposed to actually walking it. Is this how all eclectics conduct their practice? No, but that is was is so nice about being eclectic. The freedom to do as you choose. I personally think that while I do not worship by name, being able to practice as I see fit, allows me to be closer to the goddess and god. If I want to do spell work, or perform a ritual for a Sabbat, I am able to get down to business without all the extra work. To me being eclectic is about being free. Be able to practice as I see fit. If I don't feel like performing a Sabbat ritual on the night of the actual Sabbat, I know that I can postpone it without feeling like I am doing something wrong. If I mess up some wording because I am saying whatever comes to mind, I know that it doesn't matter. What does matter is the intent and the energy that I put into my practice, not the rules that I follow.

E for Emotions

After the week I have had, it only seems appropriate that this post for the Pagan Blog Project be about emotions, and how they can effect someones practice. Every now and then, everyone gets into that funk where you just seem out of sorts. I have had one of those weeks, and decided to write about how it has effected me and my practice, and how it could effect others as well. Let me first start off by saying that I am DEFINITELY a Cancer. I am emotional! I don't get mood swings, I get emotion swings. One minute I will be happy and the next I am just down. As many people know, your physical well-being can play a key role in your practice as a Pagan, especially if you do spell work. If you are physically out of sorts, you will not have the energy necessary for your spell work. Well, the same is true for your emotional well being. If your emotions are all over the place and out of control, so will your energies.
So what can you do? Well that all depends on the person and what exactly your emotions are doing. Sometimes you may need a good cry. Others you may need to find a place where you can just scream your lungs out. Or maybe the best thing is to just sit and think what brought these feelings on all of a sudden? After many bouts of just uncontrollable crying and screaming, I have discovered that my trigger is stress. The more stress I am under, the more emotional I become. I am more prone to crying, and feeling down then when the stress is less. So I have found that the best thing to do is take a few minutes to sit back and relax. If I'm at home, I light a candle in my altar just for this purpose and just sit. Leave it lit for while as I go about my business. Go to the room where it is, and look at it knowing that it is never as bad as I make it seem. Quickly the stress and emotions just seem to melt away. If I'm at work, I sit back and watch a pointless video on YouTube, or just step outside to get in the open.
So what about practicing while emotional. I have found that no matter where my emotions are, they play into what I am trying to do. If I am in a crying state of mind, I will have a problem getting any words for rituals or spells out. If I am shut off from my emotions, I can concentrate, since everything I am is tied to my emotions. If I have had an especially emotional day, I will just set up a quick informal circle, light my candles and sit and be with Deity.
Another part of emotions that I know I have to deal with in my practice is the emotions of others. I quickly pick up on what others are feeling, and tend to feed off of what they are feeling. Not exactly a good thing for someone who is emotional in their own right. Ive come home from visiting friends and just been so exhausted from feeling the unspoken emotions in the area. Having to take the time get rid of these so they don't weight me down. Having to deal with the emotions of those I work with, as well as my own family.
OK, so getting this all written has actually made me feel better from this week. Hmmm, maybe this is something for me to remember for future use.

Success

It is now ten minutes till 1000 and Alex is sound asleep and has been for about 30 minutes now YAY! That means that I was able to get my school assignments done, and still have time to do dishes. What am I going to do with myself? I'm not used to not having to fight with him to get him to go to sleep. It is so nice to only hear the TV, and not worry about him getting up every 2 minutes. Well since I have the time, no sense in wasting it on the computer. Gotta get to work.

Sex/ Gender discrimination

So I have noticed a lot of blog posts and Internet chatter in general about the issue with gender that came up at PantheaCon. Since my reading assignment for my Multicultural Education class this week was gender and sexual orientation, I thought I would at least state my two cents. So apparently the issue was that Transwoman were not allowed to attend an all woman blessing ritual. If you know the entire story, I apologize for not going into more detail, and if you don't please feel free to look into it. The issue was that it was stated that the ritual was for "Genetic Women Only."

OK so here are my thoughts on the issue. Yes I agree that there are certain "mysteries" that are SEX specific. Yes I said sex, not gender. The difference is that sex is biological while gender is an identification and characteristics established by society. What determines our sex is hormones and biology, but what determines our gender is our connection and what society expects. So with that being said, why cant a person who self identifies as a woman, physically appears to be a woman (mostly some things just take longer to get "fixed"), lives as a woman, worships as a woman, and has female hormones, but is genetically a man receive the same blessings on HER body and spirit as someone who was born with two X chromosomes.
I understand that the ritual was performed sky clad, and that a penis would obviously *cough* stand out (no pun intended), but that is usually the only part, if any, that is "male" and many times, they ensure that it is "hidden."

Maybe I'm just TOO open-minded, but I thought that as Pagan's we were supposed to be understanding and accepting of everyone no matter what their choices were. Everyone talks about remembering the Burning Times and the persecution we experienced at the hands of Christians. How is this any different? We were persecuted because our beliefs were different from theirs. Now we are starting to do the same to our own people. Yes I understand that this particular path is Women Only, but if it had not been for it being a sky clad ritual, how would anyone have known?

Again, I do not claim to be an expert, these are just my own thoughts on this issue. Please keep this in mind should you decide to comment.
Blessed Be

Pagan Blog Project - D for XIII????

What does the number 13 have to do with the letter "D"? Well as some one who studies Tarot, 13 is the number of the (in my opinion) highly misunderstood Death card. Nothing freaks most people out more than seeing that ominous looking skeltal knight (Rider Waite) and the word DEATH staring back at them. "Oh my god, someone I know is going to die, is it me, my parents, my friends?!?!?" Ive had this kind of freak out when I was doing a reading before, and the short answer was "Yes... with a disclaimer." Not die in the physical sense.
So what does it mean when the Death Card comes up in a reading? Well, just like all other cards in tarot, it depends on the placement in the reading. However, in general, it means that it is time to let go of something. What are you holding on to that is preventing you from reaching your potential? Is there someone in your life that is a hazard to you? We all have that habit or person in our life that we know is toxic to us. This card is telling you that it is time to move along, and part ways. It is basically the death of the relationship that you have with that habit, thing, person etc.
On the flip side of this card, maybe there is something that you need to hold onto a little stronger. Did you set a goal to get promoted? Have you started doing something that will actually help you get that promotion. Have you meet someone new? Maybe you need to open up to them more, so they can serve their purpose in your life.
Are you being cruel to yourself? Maybe you are your worst enemy causing you to not reach your goals. Maybe you are killing your own dreams, but telling yourself that you are not good enough. Has your dream died before it even had a chance to build up? Are your goals to high? Sure we would all like to be millionaires, but is that possible? Not always. Try setting a more realistic goal to give yourself a reachable point to get to.
These are just some of the questions to be considered when looking at the Death Card. Still you may be thinking to yourself, "I hate when this card comes up in a reading, and I have to see THAT look on someones face. How can I help them cope with the initial shock?" Well what I do, is as soon as I see the card come up, I immediately say "Don't freak out, this isn't a bad thing." Quickly reassure them that life as they no it is not going to come crumbling down, and that they don't need to start planning their Last Will and Testament. This usually works, but when it does not, I try to quickly incorporate that card into the reading. After all just with the image alone most people will not be able to concentrate until you give them the bad news that they know is coming from this card. Of course maybe this is the only reason this card came up in the first place. "What are you scared of?" Are you afraid that there is something in your life that you wont be able to do? Then stop procrastinating and get it done. "Don't put off for tomorrow what can be done today." Are you afraid that when you die, someone will never know how you truly feel? Tell them. What have you got to lose? Maybe they feel that same way. Maybe they don't, but by telling them, you are finally able to move on and find someone else. Are you in a "dead-end" job that is going no where? Find something different. What does your heart tell you you want to be doing?
As with most of the cards in Tarot, the Death Card is very complex, and different for each person. Listen to what the card has to say. There is always a lesson to be learned.

Of course there is always the possibility that the lesson to be learned from this card, is for you the reader. Are you afraid to give people bad news in a reading. "They are going to hate me if I tell them that things will not work out. That everything is not all wine and roses all the time." Sometimes we have to take a chance to look at ourselves every now and then. Is it time for you to stop hiding things that come up in readings? We cant be nice all the time. Everyone deserves to know the "truth." Even if it is not something that they want to hear.

All this from a simple image of a skeleton riding a horse. Of course this is just my opinions and thoughts on the card. Please use your thoughts and judgement when doing readings. If you listen, you may be surprised what they will tell you. If you listen close, they may even tell you what they "mean."
So I leave you now with a different image of a death card. Not nearly as "scary" but I think it still gets the same meaning of moving on across. Hope you like, and please let me know what you think.

13- Soldiers Memorial (Death from my Military Tarot)

Also the first card that I completed.

Blessed Be 

Need a time machine

So today I was thinking about how there never seems to be enough time to get anything done. For some reason I was thinking that it was Wednesday, when clearly it is Thursday. Where has the week gone? I know, no work on Monday, so it threw my sense of time off. I realized that I still have not read any of my assignments yet, and still had not done my Physics quiz (done now by the way). So for some strange reason, as I was getting ready to start this post, I was thinking of how it would be AMAZING if someone actually invented a Time-Turner like in Harry Potter. Granted, I am not one of those hard core Potter fans, but wouldn't it be great if we could just pull it out, and instantly have enough time to do whatever we needed to. What would you do with it? Personally, I would use it to get more sleep, and of course get school work done, which there is NEVER enough time for. But on the plus side, I did take my AFCT on Tuesday, and knocked it out of the park. My GT score went from 102 to 127, and all of my line scores went up substantially with the lowest being 125. What does this mean, in the grand scheme of things, not much. It does pretty much guarantee me an excellent bullet on my NCOER (annual evaluation report), but long term, if I should have to re-class again, it means that there really is no MOS that I could not do. So that being said, I am toying around with the idea of going to be a N4. Pretty much it is just an additional identifier to go along with my MOS. It adds a Health Physics duty to my job. What does it mean, more options of duty stations, as well as more options when I get out. With all the changes and cut backs that the Army is making, gotta start looking at the possibility of not being able to retire at 20 years. Plus, with the tough competition for senior promotions, this is something that they will be looking at to set others apart.
Well seeing as how it is just after 1030, and Alex is asleep, I will close out this post, and see everyone tomorrow for my Pagan Blog Project Post.
Blessed Be!

C for Cauldron

"Double, double toil and trouble; fore burn and cauldron bubble." Even if they have never seen or read it before, most people know these lines are from Macbeth. But what is it about these lines that makes them stand out above all others? Is it the imagery that Shakespeare used? If you have never read it, you would not know. How about this; what would happen if you asked a group of random people to describe a "Witches House?" At some point, they would probably mention a cauldron. But why is this? Why no matter who is writing does a witch story involve a cauldron? what is so special about it?

The nice thing about being in the military is that it has helped open the analytical side of my brain more. Looking at the cauldron strictly from this point of view, it is practical. After all, what self-respecting witch would be found without at least a potion or two on her shelves. In order to do this, she needs something to mix it in. And what better item the a big cast iron cauldron sitting over the stove. Such a large item is sure to allow her to make enough potion to turn any unknowing "mortal" into a toad. Now obviously in the "days of old" everyone had a large cast iron pot that would be used for cooking, so no one would be the wiser to see one in the town "wisewomans" home.

Now this could certainly prove a problem for the modern witch. With the advent of stainless steal cookware, a large cast iron pot is gonna stick out. What to do. We cannot completely drop it from our practice. After all it was Cerridwen who who stirred a cauldron containing a potion for knowledge wisdom and prophecy for a year and a day. While we may not cook potions in our cauldrons anymore, many of us still keep them as a symbol, but a symbol of what? This is up to the individual witch. Many keep them in honor or Cerridwen. Others keep them as a symbol of femininity. After all when you look at the cauldron, it is easy to see that it is shaped like a woman's pregnant belly.

Of course, who's to say that a cauldron has to be cast iron. Many modern witches do their work in the kitchen. So why not have a functional "cauldron" in the pots that you use to prepare meals. What better magic than the magic that you not only share with others, but that helps nourish them as well. After all, when you get right down to it, that's all a cauldron is, a large metal pot for cooking. So get those cauldrons out, start honoring, start cooking and start connecting. Until next time Blessed Be.

First Impressions- The Tarot of the Silicon Dawn

So just a little bit of back story. I got back from being on the road pretty much all day on Friday, to find that the mail room closed at 1200 due to the training holiday (day off for all the civilians out there), but decided to check my box anyway. Sure enough there was a slip saying I had a package. I right away knew what it was, but would have to wait until Tuesday to get it.
Sure enough I go to get the mail today, get my box, and its the lovely box from Amazon containing my Tarot of the Silicon Dawn. I had been looking at getting it for a while, and had even seen the author post progress and updates on a forum that I belong to. Well after perusing and thumbing through the book, I must say, that the wait was worth it. First, if you are not familiar with it, it has the traditional 78 cards, PLUS an additional 21. That's right, it has 99 cards! Where to begin....
So me being who I am, I immediately start to look at the cards. Let me just say, that no pictures can do theses cards justice. Many of them appear to be fairly "normal," until you move them in the light, and realize that there is a coating on them that causes other designs to appear in the light! This is pretty cool LOL. So like all decks it has the standard suits; Cups, Swords, Pents, and Wands, but each has an added "99". So each suit have 15 cards. Plus there is an added, unfinished suit of "Void." Again I have not dove full on into the book, but it looks to be interesting. Speaking of the book, not only doe it give the meanings that are unique to this deck, but it in color and 5 languages. She has managed to throw some humor into the book. For example, when talking about the fourth Fool she says "Because oh sweet mother of f***er is this fall going to hurt." I found this not only funny, but a great way to drive home the point and meaning of the card. The images are going to take some getting used to, as they are not exactly traditional. While the general idea is there, many of the cards focus more on the feminine side. I personally am not used to this, but am looking forward to exploring this more.
As far as the box it came it. It is nice as well. It has a magnetic closure, and a diagram of the cards on the inside of the lid. All said and done, I am really glad that I got this deck. As I begin to delve deeper into this deck I will be sure to update everyone as to how things are going, and any new "discoveries" that I make. Until then, take a look at this video of the author showing off her copy.

What is today?

So being in the Military, I have today off for Presidents Day... or is it Washington's Birthday, or maybe Lincoln's, or maybe its both... So is the confusion that comes with the third Monday each February. What are we actually "celebrating" and when did the madness start?

First, lets start with the official designation for this day. Officially it is Washington's Birthday. I say officially because Washington's Birthday was actually born on February 22. So why is February 20 (this years date) called Washington's Birthday? For that answer we have to go back to 1968. It was this year that Congress attempted to create a uniform system for Monday Federal Holidays. They moved three existing holidays (Washington's Birthday, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day) to fall on a Monday. It was at this time that Columbus Day (also a Monday) was designated a holiday, but that's for another day. So while doing this ensured that the holiday known as "Washington's Birthday" would never fall on his actual Birthday, where did we get the idea that it was called "President's Day?" This lovely idea came from an article in the New York Times basically talking about the Uniform Monday Holiday Act changing all federal holidays to Mondays, and combining Washington's and Lincoln's Birthday to create President's day on the third Monday of February. Confused yet?

So what of Lincoln's birthday you may ask. Well while not officially a Federal Holiday, states are able to designate their own state holidays and can celebrate Lincoln's birthday if they wish. So in an attempt to clear up all the confusion in 2001 the "Washington-Lincoln Recognition Act of 2001" was introduced stating that the third Monday in February would only be referred to as Washington's Birthday and nothing else. This bill this failed to clear committee and died before a vote. 

So I don't know about you, but even after looking at all the information I am still confused, and will just sit back with the knowledge that no matter what you do, some things are just not meant to be understood. If you would like some additional information see here and here. Also here is some interesting trivia if you are interested.

B for Book of Shadows

When many people hear Book of Shadows they think of the think 300 year old tomes made famous in many Hollywood movies. The contain all the secrets of time and all the spells ever created. When a witch is in trouble, all she has to do is open up the book, and like magic, it opens to the page that has just the spell that they need to fix anything. They also think of the book that has helped witches defeat any number of demons and evil entities. Of course, as usual, Hollywood couldn't be farther from the truth.
In all actuality, all a Book of Shadows is simply a collection of all knowledge that a witch has gathered. It can contain things as simple as the redes and correspondences and go all the way up to conducting ritual and spells. It may be something that an individual witch keeps or it may be something kept by a coven or group that details their beliefs. When it comes to a personnel book of shadows, you can keep anything you want in it and organize it anyway you want. One thing is important to remember; there is no right or wrong way to do a Book of Shadows. NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS.
Along with what should be in a book of shadows another area that gets addressed many times is What should you use as a book of shadows. There seem to be two major thoughts on this topic. Either bound or binder. Personally, I prefer to use a binder due to the ease of moving pages around. Since my practice is always changing and I am one who always rearranges things, having a 3 ring binder is what works best for me. I do also have a few bound books that I use. I have one that I use as a working book to do research in. This way I can be sure that I have everything written the way I want it. I also have a bound book that I am working on to use as a "travel" book of shadows that I can easily take with me when I travel. While these books work great for me, it may not work for everyone else. What is important is to find out what works for you. If you feel that you need or want a big bound book, then do it. If you want something that you can move the pages around in go for it.
Another area of debate is hand written vs. typed. Again, if it works for you do it. If you hand writing is to messy to read, by all means type it. I actually have a combination of hand written and typed. No matter which way I do it, I feel that my energy still goes into it. The fact that I print it out on a printer instead of using ink and parchment, does not make it any less "special" or "magical" to me.
What is most important to always keep in mind is "What is important to me." If you go and buy a big fancy bound book, but have no connection with it, chances are you will not use it. Also, as I always think, what happens if I mess something up? What is less important is to stand with tradition, and what is important, is starting a tradition of your own. No matter how you decide to construct your book of shadows, think about what you want from it, what you want to put into it, and what you feel is right.

Wishing for sleep

So got three paganish posts today, so now time for a little more personal. I some how managed to get all of my assignments done for school while Alex was awake. My plan to get us up early today, really didn't work out so well, so here's hoping for a relatively short night. It was relatively calm right before bedtime, but then again, that doesn't mean anything with him. He could be nice and calm one minute, and a ball of energy the next. In fact right now I can hear him in his room playing with race cars instead of going to sleep. I am really hoping that when he goes in for his physical that the doctor will be able to provide some kind of insight as to why he wont sleep. We have tried asking him, but of course since he is 4, he really cant answer. Of course our response is that he is afraid that he is going to miss something. I really hope that he grows out of this again soon. I'm not sure how many more late nights I can take. I am really suffering in the lack of sleep department when it comes to work. I find myself falling asleep at the computer for who knows how long. I know that this is all part of being a parent, but sometimes enough is enough. It has even gotten so bad, that it feels like the husband and I don't get anytime to be together. We are always with little man, asleep, or about to fall asleep. And of course, me being who I am, makes me feel like a bad wife, on top of being a bad mother because I cant get my child to go to sleep. Not even a week ago, he was asleep by 1000 at the latest, and now all I can do is hope for no later that 1130 or 1200.
Well luckily I have tomorrow off, so that hopefully I can start off with getting him up at a normal IE early time, as well as getting a good start on my school work. The seems to be what my problem has been lately. I am just so tired when I get home on Mondays that I don't want to do anything except sleep.  Until next time. Blessed Be!

D is for Divination

The seeking after knowledge of future or hidden things by inadequate means. The means being inadequate they must, therefore, the supplemented by some power which is represented all through history as coming from gods or evil spirits. Hence the word divination has a sinister signification. Asprophecy is the lawful knowledge of the future divination, its superstitious counterpart, is the unlawful. As magic aims to do, divination aims to know.Divination is practically as old as the human race. It is found in every age and country, among the Egyptians, Chaldean's, Hindus, Romans, and Greeks; that tribes of Northern Asia had their shamans, the inhabitants of Africa their mgangas, the Celtic nation their druids, the aborigines of America their medicine-men — all recognized diviners and wizards. Everywhere divination flourished and nowhere, even today, is it completely neglected. Cicero's words were, and apparently always will be, true, that there is no nation, civilized or barbarian, which does not believe that there are signs of the future and persons who interpret them. Cicero divided divination into natural and artificial. Natural (untaught, unskilled) included dreams and oracles in which the diviner was a passive subject of inspiration, and the prediction that from a power supposed to be then and there within him. Artificial (taught, studied) comprised all foretelling from signs found in nature or produced by man. Here the diviner was active, and the divination came apparently from his own skill and observation. This division is almost the same as that given by St. Thomas with respect to the invocation of demons: divination with expressinvocation of spirits, embracing dreams, portents, or prodigies, and necromancy, and divination with tacit invocation through signs and movements observed in objects in nature, such as stars, birds, figures, etc., or through signs and arrangements produced by man, such as molten lead poured in water, casting of lots, etc. Dreams here mean those expressly prepared and prayed for with hope of intercourse with gods or the dead. Portents or prodigies are unusual and marvellous sights coming from the lower world. Here we are considering artificial divination.


The above article is from http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/05048b.htm


I started this post with the above article to provide some insight as to how many Christians see divination. Obviously as Pagans we know that what we get from divination does not come from "evil spirits" but are simple messages from the universe that tell us how things are or will be if we continue on our current paths. There is no evil behind it at all. It is simply used as a guide to help us. I am going to attempt to give a little insight into my thoughts on the topic of divination, specifically Tarot.


When it comes to Divination, there are more forms than most normal people could count. It seems like everyone has their favorite form. Mine happens to be Tarot. I have tried others like runes, but just cant seem to make any sense of the symbols. While I have not given up, I still remain loyal to tarot. There is just something about how each card forms a piece of the overall story of the reading. No matter what deck you pick up, you can usually get a sense for what the cards are telling you just based on overall basic knowledge. 
When it comes to actually using decks there seem to be at least two schools of thought. One says that you find a deck that works for you and stick with it. One the other hand there is the thought that is does not matter how many decks you use, as long as they speak to you. I am a member of the latter school of thought. I currently have two decks that I use. The ones that I use are the Transparent Tarot and The Quest Tarot. Both of these have AMAZING artwork, and really speak to me when I do a reading. I also personally feel that it is important to have other decks available for reference. One that I have found particularly helpful is the Tarot of the New Vision. 
You can easily open and Pagan/ Wiccan/ New-Age themed book, and each of them will swear by one or another form of divination. What is ultimately important in the end, is to make sure that you are able to work with your chosen medium. It will serve you no good if you are not able to connect with what you are using. Also, keep in mind, that no where does it way that as a Pagan you need to be able to do divination.
If you should decide to pursue divination keep in mind that it does take practice. If you go into it thinking that you will pick it up right away without studying, it will be that much harder for you to connect. Don't be afraid to ask for help and guidance. Above all things, divination should be a way to connect with yourself. If you don't know yourself on a deep level, it will show when you go to do readings.