Exhausting Week

Yeah, I know it is only Wednesday, but already, I am ready for it to be over. 

 

So Alex finally started Sure Start on Monday. YAY! As you can see, he is so excited! It was all he has been talking about for like the past two weeks. The only bad thing we have heard from his teacher, is that he is doing the hoarding food thing at lunch time. For some reason, we have yet to figure out where he got it from, he crams his food into his mouth, and trys to hold it in his cheeks. It is funny because he looks like a chipmunk, but we have to try not to laugh to try to get him to stop doing it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. His teachers do know about him not pooping in the potty, but luckily he has not done it in his pants at school, he waits until Momma gets home for that. Oh yeah, and he still wont go to sleep until after ten o'clock so we are still fighting that battle, and of course the follow up battle to get up in the morning.

Since he is going to school everyday, I am definitely feeling more stressed. I have to get up, do PT, come home, take the dog out, take a shower, get myself ready for work, and get Alex up and ready for school and have him there by 8:15. Then to top it all off, have to work a full day, deal with everything that is going along with Transformation, and then come home, and try to get some housework/ dinner done.

I am still waiting to find out about the funding for my ALC (Advanced Leaders Course) that I am going to on October 1st. I am glad to be going, but not thrilled about the timing. This will actually be the first time that I will not be here for Alex's birthday. Plus, with me being gone, this means that the Hubs will have to do everything. I am just hoping that everything will go relatively smooth while I am gone. I will be under enough stress as it is, and will not be nearby if something should happen.

The nice thing is that you can tell that Fall is coming here in Germany. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it has already arrived. It is chilly in the morning and evening, and usually windy during the day. The leaves on the trees have already started to change, and fall. In fact, when I was at work the other day, you could smell someone burning leaves. I never really liked the smell personally, but for some reason, it was nice for once. 

Week in Review

So as another attempt to keep myself writing regularly, I have decided to start a week in review post. Pretty much it will include a wrap up of what happened within the past week.
So, this week has been pretty relaxed. It was the first week of my two weeks of leave. YAY! The first I have taken since I have been in Germany. A very much needed break from work. I didn't go anywhere, but am just enjoying the time to be at home and relax. Actually, I think this is the first time since I have been in the Army that I have been able to truly relax while on leave. Usually, we would go home, and have to worry about splitting time between family and friends. This time, I just get to sit and focus on being at home and RELAXING! Of course, I do have plans for getting housework done, and have accomplished quite a bit, but am still loving not having to go to work. I have had time to finally work on my travel Book of Shadows, and really like the way it is turning out.
Thursday, we finally got the phone call that Alex has a tentative slot in Sure Start for the next school year YAY! What does this mean. He will be going to Pre-K 5 days a week all day. There are still some questions I have about the program, but I will get to ask them this coming Thursday when I go to orientation. The biggest thing I am hoping to get from this, that Alex will get ready for Kindergarten and of course help him with the Potty problems that we are still dealing with.
I have managed to catch up on ALC course work that I was falling a little bit behind on due to just being too tired. Hopefully, I will be able to pull ahead on it in the next week. On that note, I also have taken some time to spend at the gym for some much needed work out time. Granted it was not as much as I would have liked, but since I have become well rested this week, I am hoping that will change next week. I know that I have not been working out as much as I should, and that I have not been keeping as close an eye on my weight as I need to, and since it is getting close to time for me to actually go to ALC, I need to get ready.
Oh, and the biggest disappointment this week was finding out that I missed cut-off by TWO points! TWO POINTS.... enough to make me mad. Then again, I know that means, I am closer to the top of the list, and that once I get done with ALC, I will have over 600 points, and should be good by then.
I know this has kind of jumped around a little bit, but that is how I think, so that is how it came out. I will try to do better as time goes on.
To close this, please enjoy this picture of one of the pages that I worked on this week. Since this is meant to be a Travel Book of Shadows, I thought it would be fitting to have a protection spell in it. If anyone would like to see more of what I have done, please let me know, I dont mind. I am even willing to share my BIG Book of Shadows. All you have to do is ask.

Pagan Blog Project - Quiet

Have you ever taken the time to think of how much noise we encounter in a typical day. As part of my job, I teach a week long class that has one hour dedicated to the effects of noise. In that class noise is defined as any unwanted sound. For example, while you may have a favorite band, and a favorite song, not many people would appreciate hearing it blasted at top volume at 2:30 in the morning. Or those of us who have children, while I love to hear Alex talk, as he almost always manages to crack me up, there are just some times, that I wish he would stop. These would be considered noise. We like our music, and listening to our children, but not all the time.
In this class about noise, I teach about the potential damage that can be done, as well as the impact on a Soldier if the experience too much noise. Last time I taught this class it got me thinking, if we can be physically damaged by noise, why not spiritually. Our ears need time to recoup from being bombarded by sounds and noises all day, that's why music in your car may seem louder first thing in the morning than when you go home at night, so why wouldn't our minds (spirits, souls, etc). I have noticed lately that the more things I have going on in my life, the more sounds there seems to be around me on a constant basis, and the more out of sorts I tend to feel. Whether its traffic outside my window, the train station across the street, listing to people talk, doing housework, or just sitting down writing this, I am surrounded by sounds.
So, again id our bodies (ears) need a chance to recover, why not minds (again spirits, souls, etc.) Have you ever had those few times, where it seems like there is nothing going on. No movement and best of all NO NOISES! How did it make you feel, Think about it real hard. Some people are actually nervous about quiet times. Me, I think I have been downrange and in the Army too long, to be nervous about quiet. I love when I get the chance to just sit somewhere, and hear nothing. I'm not talking about having earplugs in, but just one of those rare instances, where it is actually quiet. What do I do? ENJOY IT! Take a moment to just relax. Funny enough, this happens almost every time, I am in my sacred space. While I might be vaguely aware of certain things going on in the "mundane" (yes I went there and said it) world, once I am in my sacred space, it is so peaceful and QUIET that I almost hate to leave it. I enjoy it so much that I am making it a goal of mine to have a regular "date" with my sacred space. Whether it just sitting down to ground myself (which I need very much lately), or just doing some magical house cleaning. I am slowly beginning to see how important this quiet time is to me. Plus, between you and me, it is the only chance I have to be by myself.

So try to be like Linus. Find somewhere comfortable, and just enjoy the moment of peace and quiet.

Picture of my Quiet Space as it was set up for Samhain 2011

Busy, busy, frustration, busy

So finally bit the bullet and got Alex enrolled in Pre-school, he starts on Monday. While we still have not conquered the Potty Training Mountain yet, I am hoping this will help. He will only be in school for 3 hours in the morning, 3 days a week, but hopefully it will be enough to help him expend some energy, make some friends, and be around kids more. Not to mention it will get him and Steve out of the house. Then, while I was at Central Registration, I got him enrolled in Strong Beginnings that will start with the new school year. It is basically a Pre-K program that will get him ready for Kindergarten next year.

Right now I am just feeling really frustrated. Between being exhausted from having to be into work early, not getting to bed till late because Alex wont go to sleep until late, and being the only one who does anything in the house, and being the only one who takes the dog out, I am just exhausted and frustrated. What I would really like to do, is just take some time to myself, light my altar, and sit there. The problem is, I have to wait till Alex gets to sleep, or else it will be a waste of time, and then have to get the dog out. There is just not enough hours in the day. I am hoping that since I will be taking Alex to school in the mornings, that Steve will at least take Kovu out in the morning, so I will still have time to get myself, and Alex ready.

Plus on top of that, I am still "dealing" with the family issues back home. There has still been no resolution, and I am not sure when there will be, and when there is, how will it impact me in the future. Plus, with the transformation at work, no one seems to understand that we still have to do our mission, even though we will be falling under a new higher HQ's. Everyone is focused on the fact that they should be doing our mission, and not us. Technically, that would be true, but we still have people here, and as long as we are, we are going to do the mission as best as we can.

Pagan Blog Project - K for Kitchen Witch

When it comes to magic and witchcraft, there are more forms and types than one person could even begin to list. One in particular seems to be fitting to many of us with family, whether we realize it or not. That would be Kitchen Magic. This is especially true for me. While I may not always want to cook, I do enjoy it. I actually took some time to try to think about why. The way I see it, everyone needs food to survive. When I am in the kitchen cooking something for my family, even if its pre-made), I am provinding the nurishment that they need. While I may not be fully aware of it, I am putting my energy into what ever it is that I am making. In turn my family eats it, and gets a little bit of that energy. After thinking about that, and coming to that realization, I have decieded that I am going to be more careful about how I cook. By this I mean, making sure I have my emotions and energy in control when I am preparing the food. There is no sense in passing on what I am feeling to my family

First Coupon Trips

So I have been seeing all this hype about people shopping with coupons. So I did my research, printed some out, and headed to the Commissary. Ill admit, that I felt a little silly standing in the aisle looking to figure out what coupons I had, but luckily, I managed to remember most of what I had. I was actually kinda on a roll, and found some in the store to use as well. While I had not planned on a big trip, I did manage to get $73 worth of groceries for $59, saving me 20% which I think is the first time I have had that happen. YAY me. So today, I went to the PX needing to get a new water filter and a bone for Kovu. While the bone was out of stock, I again managed to get $71 worth of items for $59 saving me another 19% I know this is a first. My biggest accomplishment today was the 2 bottles of Pantene that averaged out to $.85 a bottle! This just might be worth it afterall. Since then, I signed up for a few services that will send expired coupons to troops overseas since we can use them up to 6 months after the expiration date. If you coupon, and have expired ones, please check out Coups for Troops and Coupons to Troops who both send coupons directly to Soldiers who share what we do not use with others. Im excited to see what this new adventure holds, especially when I get back to the states.

In other news, I know that I have been slacking in my Pagan Blog Project Posts, but things have been really crazy, and I will be getting back to them this week. I have recently submitted paperwork that will allow me to leave Germany 8 months early. While it has been fun, there is no point in finishing my 3 years, since where I am at will be closing down before then. I am hoping it will work out like I am planning, which will get me home some time next summer, with an assignment at Ft Leonardwood, and then going to school in Ft Sam Houston for four months. Pretty much just waiting on the next higher level to bless off on it and it will be good to go.

Well, just finished my last final for the semester, and just have to wait for grades to post. Sadly, I'm just hoping for Cs across the board. In all actuality, I would like them to be higher, but the semester didn't go as good as I would have liked it. Too much stress and other things going on. This means that I will probably have to file a Financial Aid Appeal again for Fall Semester, but at least I will have a higher GPA than last semester. Just looking forward to knowing that finally my work is paying off, and I might actually have some credits to show for it this time around.
Since I have been so stressed and busy, I have decided to take Summer semester off, and will start again in the Fall. This also gives me time to just relax, and get things done that I need to do, like my ALC Phase 1 that starts in July. Maybe I will even be able to enjoy my down time instead of spending it worried that I will not be worried that I am forgetting to do an assignment.
One more weight off my back for now.

PBP - H for Home Blessing

As I stated in my post from last week, we spend allot of time in our home, and for many Pagans it is also our place of worship. The problem with this is that so many people come and go in this space, that they tend to leave residual energy behind. This can really be an issue if you are renting the place you live in, or even live with someone else. All this left over energy can really weight you down. That's why I think that its important to periodically do a cleansing or blessing on your living space. The one that I am including is from my personal book of shadows. If you like it, please feel free to use it, change it, or completely ignore it if you choose.
What you will need:
Incense of choice, or smudge bundle (I use Sage in either)
Besom
Blessed Water

Even though this is a spiritual/ energy cleansing, it is always good to start with a clean space. Get the good old vacuum and dust rag out, and get the physical clutter out.
I always begin at my altar. If you would like you can cast your circle, but I find that this just adds an unneeded step.
Build up your energy. This should be energy that you will use to push out the negative unwanted.
Visualize a bubble building around you from the ground up. Picture it surrounding you from your feet to your head.
- If you are in an apartment, as I am, picture a barrier between your floor, and the ceiling below you. You only want your energy in this bubble, not the whole building.
Build the bubble until it touches you ceiling. If you have multiple stories, start with one at a time.
Picture your bubble anchored in one spot as you begin to walk your living space. Expand the bubble with you as you walk.
- When you finish the first floor move to the next
As your bubble expands, picture it pushing all the negative energy out.
If you live in an apartment, reinforce anywhere there is a shared space, (walls, floors, ceilings)
If you like, and if it makes it easier, feel free to walk with your besom to sweep the energy out.
Pick a chant or words that you like. I use "Out, about, I turn you out, All that dawdles here, I turn you out."
Once complete, be sure to ground the excess energy that you have raised. After all, you have just gotten rid of the stagnant energy, and don't want to start accumulating some more.
If you would like, you can take blessed water, and sprinkle it in the corners of your space.

I hope you like, and maybe even got some ideas.
Blessed Be!

Family... So many question.

Family is one of the things in our lives that we have no control over. There are times when we may be proud to say who we are related to, and there may be times when we just wish we belonged to a different family altogether. Is there ever a good time to say "enough is enough." When you just cant stand the draining anymore. Is there ever a right time to just severe any kind of contact with family? Is it too harsh, does that point not exist? Has it been crossed along time ago, or can it be seen in the near future? Is there more we can do, have we done our best, or could we have done more in the past? Has there been a serious of misunderstanding, or are you the one who misjudged? Would things have been better if you had stayed closer to home or was leaving the best thing you could have done? If you had stayed how different would things have been? Would things have turned out better, or worst and for who? So many questions that you hope you never have to be faced with, hoping you will soon wake up and it will all have been a bad dream. Hoping for a good change of events....

Newest member of the Family

Since I was finally able to get a decent picture of him, I present to all my readers Kovu! He will be 10 months old this month. Yes he is a pure blood Siberian Husky, but we do not have the papers on him. He is hyper as would be expected from his breed, but likes to spend most of the day asleep, at least until I come home for some reason. Thankfully, the family we got him from had a 2 year old, so he is great with kids. He even knows to be a little bit gentler when he is playing with Alex. OK, I guess that's really all for this post. Just wanted to announce and introduce the newest member of the family.

Another one of those days

I don't know what it was, but this has just been an exhausting day. Well, not entire day, mainly just afternoon. The morning went well. Alex found the eggs that the Easter Bunny hid in the house, and then went to find some at the Pavilion. Made and had dinner, and that's when it started. I really don't know what the problem was, but I was just getting so agitated. Kovu, was wanting to go out like every 30 minutes, Alex of course was not wanting to eat. Finally decided to take Kovu to the dog park, and took Alex with me. Of course no sooner than I get Kovu off the leash, than I hear Alex say he has to go pee pee. So there I go trying to catch Kovu, and Alex goes heading for his bike. Oh gosh.... here we go. Finally get the together, and Alex now says he doesn't have to go, and doesn't want to go home. Get home, and we are heading up the stairs, one set to go, and Kovu hears another dog coming up, the one from upstairs. Sure enough up he comes, Kovu sniffs him, and he gets snapped at. What a way yo end my day.

Stupid School

So I have been working on homework for the past couple of hours. I saved my lab for last due to having to do it in the bathroom. It is 1130 at night, and I have been sitting here for about 45 minutes waiting for it to upload! GRRRR!! All I want to do is go to sleep, but this stupid thing wont upload!
Oh well, that's what happens when I wait till the last minute as usual. On a better note, SHORT WEEK at work this week! YAY! Still got some shopping to do for Easter (Yes we celebrate with the egg hunt and dinner). Gonna be a busy weekend, got a birthday party to go to, cupcakes to make on Saturday, and eggs to decorate, stuff and fill. Should be fun this time around, since Alex is a little bit older, and should have more fun looking for eggs. Not quite Monday, and I'm already looking forward to the weekend.

What a week... Mid-week edition

So today is only Wednesday, and it has already been one of those weeks. Starting Monday and continuing into today, I just wanted to crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. So on top of teaching FST, I found out that the slides that I thought were done for LRMC, we not and needed to be done by today. So I am out and not able to do them because I am teaching, I have both Soldiers who need to go out on mission, but cant because of things they have going on. I have one NCO is is leaving for TDY on Tuesday, another who is supposed to be going on Tuesday, and another who will have to do the slides... and that's just Monday. Needless to say it has been so stressful that I did not even celebrate Ostara yesterday like I had planned to. It just didn't seem fair, plus I was to mentally exhausted to do it, so I will be doing that Friday instead. So looking forward to the weekend so I can get some rest. Seems to be the norm for me more and more lately. Looking forward to something so that I can use it to get some rest.
On a better note, we got a new member of the family yesterday. His name is Kovu and he is an 8 month old Siberian Husky. So that has been the one silver lining on this otherwise shitty day.
OK, got my venting out, and feel better now. Going to lie down and relax for a little bit while I wait for Alex to go to sleep.

Personnel Energy and other people

Has anyone ever noticed that there always seems to be certain people you encounter who just drain you physically and emotionally. Why do we allow this to happen. You would think that we would either eliminate these people from our lives, or protect ourselves from this if we have to be around them. How much do we have to get drained from us before we learn. There are some things we do because we have too, but there is no reason to put ourselves through this. They just make us feel so exhausted, and possibly do things that we would not normally do. So this is basically a note for myself, If I know that I am going to be around someone who I know is going to make me exhausted, I will make sure that I protect myself before being exposed to them.

Too many Chiefs...

So a little background. I have been in Stuttgart this past week going over our mission there, with the Environmental Health Department at LRMC* to prepare them for when they take it over. So I get back today, and see my OIC* who went with us. He tells me good job, and that he appreciates the hard work we put in. He also tells me that my NCOIC* (there are 2 different ones both with the same name) has said that he has nothing for me today, and I am good to go for the day. So, I go check my email, and head out. At about 330, I get a phone call telling that there was a formation, and who was going to be there. I said that I would not because I was at home. "Well I guess Ill take that up with CPT X, but you need to clear that through me." Then about 5 minutes before formation, the other NCOIC calls me asking me the same question, "Now I'm not mad, but who said you could go home? Ill let SFC D* know." "Well he already called me." So long story short, I think I really need to sit down and figure out where I fall in this crazy triangle of supervision. If my OIC tells me that my NCOIC said I was good for the day, ummm.... that means I'm good for the day. I have come to terms with the fact that I have no power, and am using it to my full advantage, but I need to know who I answer to, who messages are allowed to come from, and who is allowed to relay those messages to me. Because obviously something got lost in translation somewhere. The funny thing is that the message originally came from SFC D. So after a surprisingly good TDY* my week went to hell. Guess we will see what happens on Monday.


Notes:
LRMC - Landstuhl Regional Medical Center
OIC - Officer in Charge, Boss of my section
NCOIC - Non-commissioned Officer in Charge, Senior enlisted in my Department. I have a Department NCOIC, and another who is another section, but still is in charge of us. I know, I know, I get a headache thinking about it myself.
TDY - Temporary Duty, going somewhere other than actual duty assignment
Ranks are the same, but names have been changed.

E for Emotions

After the week I have had, it only seems appropriate that this post for the Pagan Blog Project be about emotions, and how they can effect someones practice. Every now and then, everyone gets into that funk where you just seem out of sorts. I have had one of those weeks, and decided to write about how it has effected me and my practice, and how it could effect others as well. Let me first start off by saying that I am DEFINITELY a Cancer. I am emotional! I don't get mood swings, I get emotion swings. One minute I will be happy and the next I am just down. As many people know, your physical well-being can play a key role in your practice as a Pagan, especially if you do spell work. If you are physically out of sorts, you will not have the energy necessary for your spell work. Well, the same is true for your emotional well being. If your emotions are all over the place and out of control, so will your energies.
So what can you do? Well that all depends on the person and what exactly your emotions are doing. Sometimes you may need a good cry. Others you may need to find a place where you can just scream your lungs out. Or maybe the best thing is to just sit and think what brought these feelings on all of a sudden? After many bouts of just uncontrollable crying and screaming, I have discovered that my trigger is stress. The more stress I am under, the more emotional I become. I am more prone to crying, and feeling down then when the stress is less. So I have found that the best thing to do is take a few minutes to sit back and relax. If I'm at home, I light a candle in my altar just for this purpose and just sit. Leave it lit for while as I go about my business. Go to the room where it is, and look at it knowing that it is never as bad as I make it seem. Quickly the stress and emotions just seem to melt away. If I'm at work, I sit back and watch a pointless video on YouTube, or just step outside to get in the open.
So what about practicing while emotional. I have found that no matter where my emotions are, they play into what I am trying to do. If I am in a crying state of mind, I will have a problem getting any words for rituals or spells out. If I am shut off from my emotions, I can concentrate, since everything I am is tied to my emotions. If I have had an especially emotional day, I will just set up a quick informal circle, light my candles and sit and be with Deity.
Another part of emotions that I know I have to deal with in my practice is the emotions of others. I quickly pick up on what others are feeling, and tend to feed off of what they are feeling. Not exactly a good thing for someone who is emotional in their own right. Ive come home from visiting friends and just been so exhausted from feeling the unspoken emotions in the area. Having to take the time get rid of these so they don't weight me down. Having to deal with the emotions of those I work with, as well as my own family.
OK, so getting this all written has actually made me feel better from this week. Hmmm, maybe this is something for me to remember for future use.

Success

It is now ten minutes till 1000 and Alex is sound asleep and has been for about 30 minutes now YAY! That means that I was able to get my school assignments done, and still have time to do dishes. What am I going to do with myself? I'm not used to not having to fight with him to get him to go to sleep. It is so nice to only hear the TV, and not worry about him getting up every 2 minutes. Well since I have the time, no sense in wasting it on the computer. Gotta get to work.

Sex/ Gender discrimination

So I have noticed a lot of blog posts and Internet chatter in general about the issue with gender that came up at PantheaCon. Since my reading assignment for my Multicultural Education class this week was gender and sexual orientation, I thought I would at least state my two cents. So apparently the issue was that Transwoman were not allowed to attend an all woman blessing ritual. If you know the entire story, I apologize for not going into more detail, and if you don't please feel free to look into it. The issue was that it was stated that the ritual was for "Genetic Women Only."

OK so here are my thoughts on the issue. Yes I agree that there are certain "mysteries" that are SEX specific. Yes I said sex, not gender. The difference is that sex is biological while gender is an identification and characteristics established by society. What determines our sex is hormones and biology, but what determines our gender is our connection and what society expects. So with that being said, why cant a person who self identifies as a woman, physically appears to be a woman (mostly some things just take longer to get "fixed"), lives as a woman, worships as a woman, and has female hormones, but is genetically a man receive the same blessings on HER body and spirit as someone who was born with two X chromosomes.
I understand that the ritual was performed sky clad, and that a penis would obviously *cough* stand out (no pun intended), but that is usually the only part, if any, that is "male" and many times, they ensure that it is "hidden."

Maybe I'm just TOO open-minded, but I thought that as Pagan's we were supposed to be understanding and accepting of everyone no matter what their choices were. Everyone talks about remembering the Burning Times and the persecution we experienced at the hands of Christians. How is this any different? We were persecuted because our beliefs were different from theirs. Now we are starting to do the same to our own people. Yes I understand that this particular path is Women Only, but if it had not been for it being a sky clad ritual, how would anyone have known?

Again, I do not claim to be an expert, these are just my own thoughts on this issue. Please keep this in mind should you decide to comment.
Blessed Be

Need a time machine

So today I was thinking about how there never seems to be enough time to get anything done. For some reason I was thinking that it was Wednesday, when clearly it is Thursday. Where has the week gone? I know, no work on Monday, so it threw my sense of time off. I realized that I still have not read any of my assignments yet, and still had not done my Physics quiz (done now by the way). So for some strange reason, as I was getting ready to start this post, I was thinking of how it would be AMAZING if someone actually invented a Time-Turner like in Harry Potter. Granted, I am not one of those hard core Potter fans, but wouldn't it be great if we could just pull it out, and instantly have enough time to do whatever we needed to. What would you do with it? Personally, I would use it to get more sleep, and of course get school work done, which there is NEVER enough time for. But on the plus side, I did take my AFCT on Tuesday, and knocked it out of the park. My GT score went from 102 to 127, and all of my line scores went up substantially with the lowest being 125. What does this mean, in the grand scheme of things, not much. It does pretty much guarantee me an excellent bullet on my NCOER (annual evaluation report), but long term, if I should have to re-class again, it means that there really is no MOS that I could not do. So that being said, I am toying around with the idea of going to be a N4. Pretty much it is just an additional identifier to go along with my MOS. It adds a Health Physics duty to my job. What does it mean, more options of duty stations, as well as more options when I get out. With all the changes and cut backs that the Army is making, gotta start looking at the possibility of not being able to retire at 20 years. Plus, with the tough competition for senior promotions, this is something that they will be looking at to set others apart.
Well seeing as how it is just after 1030, and Alex is asleep, I will close out this post, and see everyone tomorrow for my Pagan Blog Project Post.
Blessed Be!